Do you sometimes feel that you are being held captive by those around you? Like your body is frozen and your heart is being suffocated? You just want to scream out loud but you can’t?

If this rings true to you, your fitrah (innate disposition) is sending you some red flags that you may need to pay close attention to. 

Typically, a hostage situation is one in which a person(s) takes control over another person(s), is demanding some type of action and not allowing the person(s) being held to leave.

Don’t panic. 

The first place you need to check is your inner circle as unfortunately, the ‘abductor’ (metaphorically speaking), is always someone that you are close to, like a close friend or it could also be family. 

But the good news is, this does not have to be your reality because everything is temporary. Even our hardships. And it all starts with you and what you want to do about it today.

Understanding the situation

Whether we admit it or not, the circle of people we have around us has a huge influence on our well being. It could just be from their opinion or judgement about us, but somehow we have allowed them ‘in’ and let them stay in our prime real estate (our hearts), and worse without even paying rent!

When it starts to affect our ‘king’, which is our heart, the negative energy starts to ‘rob’ our mental state and even our physical state. This is so true as we learn from this hadith where Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) says “... Beware! There is a piece of flesh in the body if it becomes good (reformed) the whole body becomes good but if it gets spoilt the whole body gets spoilt and that is the heart.” Sahih Bukhari 52

The real threat 

The situation gets severe when it starts to seep into our spiritual state too. When we start to question Allah’s decree and doubt the power of Allah because we have ‘surrendered’ the control to our ‘abductor’, and not to Allah, our true Lord! May Allah forgive us! 

We need to wake up from this slumber, my dearest brothers and sisters in Islam, as our Deen tells us that our circle of friends actually have a direct relation to our spiritual state! 

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend. Sunan Abi Dawud 4833

So what’s next?

Here are 7 steps you could follow towards breaking free

1. Renew your intentions

First things first, let us realign our hearts to where they should be, submissive towards Allah, not other people’s thoughts or judgement. Let us forgive ourselves for our past mistakes, for letting others take control of our lives. 

Sometimes Allah puts them there, for us to re-evaluate our priorities, to renew our imaan and to turn back to Him sincerely in order for us to receive His Love and Mercy. As Allah says in Surah Al Baqarah: 222 “Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves."

2. Self - Evaluation

Let’s take a moment to reflect on our friends through these aspects:

• Social - Do they accept, appreciate and advise me? Or do they deny me of my right? 
• Emotional - Do they have a positive effect on me or am I their punching bag and make me feel worthless? 
• Mental - Do they use my safe space to vent or do they burn me at the same time? 
• Deen - Do they remind me of Allah or do they actually make me forget Him completely?

If you can honestly answer the above questions and most of them were positive, consider yourself blessed that Allah has given you a righteous companion. And if it’s the opposite side, we’ve got some work to do. And there are some reasons for that too.

In this hadith, Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said:

Souls are troops collected together and those who familiarized with each other (in the heaven from where these come) would have affinity with one another (in the world) and those amongst them who opposed each other (in the Heaven) would also be divergent (in the world).  Sahih Muslim (2638a)

3. Make the du’a of Nabi Musa a.s.

It is safe to say that the heart feels anxious and constricted when we are in this uncomfortable situation. We start to feel flustered, intimidated and maybe weakened. However, Allah SWT does not leave us without His help through the examples of our Messengers. Think of a real ‘bully’ like Fir’aun who called himself Rabb, how would Nabi Musa a.s. have felt then? SubhanAllah. So let’s make this beautiful du’a for Allah to open our chest and grant us relief from the shackles of those who do wrong to us.

﴾‏ ٢٨‎﴿ ‎٢٧‏﴾‏ يَفْقَهُوا قَوْلِي ‎﴿٢٦﴾‏ وَاحْلُلْ عُقْدَةً مِّن لِّسَانِي‎﴿٢٥﴾‏ وَيَسِّرْ لِي أَمْرِي‎﴿قَالَ رَبِّ اشْرَحْ لِي صَدْرِي

[Moses] said, "My Lord, expand for me my breast [with assurance],And ease for me my task, And untie the knot from my tongue, That they may understand my speech.” Surah Ta-Ha 25-28

4. Remove that toxic friend, for His sake

Sometimes doing the right thing like detox-ing your friends list is difficult. The whispers of shaytan would creep in, such as the fear of what you are going to be losing out on. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. So do we reflect who our friends are? 

So keep the faith and ask Allah for courage. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” Source: Musnad Aḥmad 23074

There is a verse warning us of the harm of keeping them in our circle. in Surah Al Furqan 25: verse 28-29, Allah says “Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend. He led me away from the remembrance after it had come to me. And ever is Satan, to man, a deserter."

5. Recreate healthy boundaries

The idea here is to not cut ties with them, but to keep them at arm's length, make du’aa for them and ask Allah for help and guidance to ensure that the hostage situation is not repeated. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "A believer is not stung twice (by something) out of one and the same hole." Sahih Bukhari 6133.

6. Returning the heart to it’s true owner 

It all boils down to the well-being of your heart. When it is being feared and enslaved by other than Allah, it will lose its purpose, vibrancy and its life. You deserve the best life that Allah has already prepared for you not only in this dunya, but in the akhirah too. Let us strive to return to Allah with Qalbun Saleem. A sound heart that is free from any diseases, and ill feelings, jealousy, hatred, but one that is pure, sincere, and full of taqwa

On the day of Judgement, Allah says in Surah Ash-Shu’ara 26: 88-89, “The Day when there will not benefit [anyone] wealth or children, But only one who comes to Allah with a sound heart."

7. Going back to the Qur’an and Sunnah

Our Deen is so amazing that it guides us as to who should be our companions. Consider yourself super blessed for this gift from above!

The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) was reportedly asked: “Which of our companions are best?” He replied: “One whose appearance reminds you of God, and whose speech increases you in knowledge, and whose actions remind you of the Hereafter.” [Tirmidhi]

It was said to the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ): ‘Which of the people is best?’ He said: ‘Everyone who is pure of heart and sincere in speech.’ They said: ‘Sincere in speech, we know what this is, but what is pure of heart?’ He said: ‘It is (the heart) that is pious and pure, with no sin, injustice, rancor or envy in it.” Sunan Ibn Majah 4216

May Allah give us the tawfeeq to do what is right and protect us from the harms of the seen and the unseen. Aameen.

With sincere du’as, your sister,

Tisha Zarina